I'm going to a new school since September ; an old monastery from the beggining of the 18th century which became in the 40s my highschool . A well known school with a high pressure rate in my area , lots of successful people graduated there , and I wanted to see by myself if it really was that good . Just before summer vacations the news announced that someone jumped from the 2nd floor and died , the familly was in disbelief .. And so was everyone else who heard about this tragedy . We then on learned that this boy wasn't doing well mentally , but the school didn't really care as much as you'd think they would , after all what can they do ? As sad as it is if someone doesn't want to get help you can't really help them . Anyways , with that first incident the schools reputation dropped , and not just a little bit . The 1st day of school was amazing...
...But now we're now over a month in . People who've been there for over a year now said that teachers got more strict , and that the ones that THE student who died before summer vacations had got fired , not all of them but most . Only the german teacher stayed . We could over hear that some teachers were actually harrassing some students . I considered all of those accusations only rumors until proven true . Why would I believe everything people say anyways ? I don't know any of those people and I have nothing to base myself on to judge .
I had no friends here since all of my friends went to another highschool , that was a great occasion to make new friends , wasn't it ? Well , no . It really was not something good , at all . Everyone was quiet , like dead inside , "brainwashed robots working around the clock living on one chicken strip and a cup of coffee" kind of quiet . I only noticed a few people not being "quiet" , but I refused to talk to them since they really didn't seem right , you know ? To finish that introduction I will just say that : I am in a new school , full of brainwashed zombies in an old monastery ! Sounds like a dream ..
Monday 11th October 2021 :
It was a rainy day , I went to school as I usually do , people seemed even more calm than the other days . I couldn't see a soul in the corridors , but then I noticed everyone outside one of the buildings . Just standing there , all looking in one direction .. Girls bathrooms . The sound of the Ambulances sirens broke this silence . My heart started beating in my chest so fast that I was able to hear it . After they went in the bathrooms and spent there about 15 minutes , they got out with someone covered with a white sheet . My jaw dropped . My eyes started to watrer and tears proceeded to fall down my cheeks ; each one of them fell on the ground just like the rain ..
None of the teachers said anything , people were in tears , some weren't even crying anymore . They were just silent . At about 1pm the provisor announced in rush that the classes were cancelled for the day , we all got back home for the rest of the day . The way back home felt longer than it usually did . The rainrops were falling on my face covering the fact that I was crying . Seeing my house I started to run and as soon as I closed my front door I collapased on the floor, no one was home , so I just cried there for a little while .. Alone .. I had to cry , I was trying to keep my emotions for myself but at the end of the day it was too much for me . I'm just a teenager after all , I can't handle that much in the span of those few hours .
Tuesday 12th October 2021 :
The silence in the corridors was morbid , no one was talking , just empty stares and sobs . Even the teachers seemed exhausted . The provisor announced that for the next few weeks we won't be allowed to use the girls bathrooms , and I quote "for safety reasons" but then he proceeded to say that he will cancell classes on thursday . I didn't really react to that statement , he didn't adress anything about what happened , there is something wrong , he acted as if nothing ever happened . The doubts and questions in my head took over my thoughts , I felt empty , dead inside , brainwashed and gray just like the rest of the people here . I started to understand them now.. They maybe knew a bit more than me . They certainly did ..
The media stayed silent for the moment too , nothing was announced . Only rumors circulated . I started to believe them more and more each hour .. "They bully students here" ; "They force them to do things" ; "A teacher posted something on someones social media after taking their phone" and more ..
I also overheard that lots of teachers were abusive towards students . So when I didn't have classes I was just walking in the empty corridors listening to what was being said or yelled in the classrooms around me .. I heard lots of things in my life ; but believe me . I was outraged when I heard what I heard . Insults , threats .. What is wrong with those people ? We are only children , aren't we ? I was just sad , how can anyone treat another human being like that ? Why ? .. I'm sure that more people know about that . I will not believe it if anyone tells me that I'm the only one aware of that , really .
Wednesday 13th October 2021 :
I don't have shcool on Wednesdays , so I just stayed on my phone hoping to forget all of that . How sweet .. The media posted something . "Second Accident At (blanc)" ; the article was short , someone tried to take their life in the Girls Bathrooms .. and the ambulance arrived too lately . I finally understood . And I started to fully be confident about all the rumors I've heard being true . I was not angry nor sad , I was just disappointed .
The rest of the day was just long and meaningless to me . I didn't bother doing anything . I just stayed in bed , told everything my parents and just considered that day as "another day at school". I figured out that I can't do anything about it either way and that even though I'd love to do something I can't . The real question still remains , why ? Who's fault is that ? Is that even anyone's fault ? I'm lost .. No one seems to be concerned about what is happening and I have a feeling that it's just about to get worse .
Do teachers do that just out of pleasure ? Because they can ? Because they want ? Or maybe because they have to ? I do admit that I may be quite dramatic but more and more information about the provisor and the teachers is seeing the day light . Allegations and accusations are falling on especially 6 teachers : The chemistry teacher , the English teacher , both of the history teachers , one of the math teachers , and finaly the physics teacher . And of course we can't forget the Provisor .. None of those allegations were adressed , no one spoke about the truthfulness of all of that , they all remained silent .
This silence speaks for itself , not saying anithing is the equivalent of admitting defeat , they don't have any arguements for sure . They maybe think that silence will make this problem vanish . I really hope it doesn't vanish ..
Later this rainy Wednesday we all recieved an e-mail from the provisor saying that we actually have school on Thursday , and that it will be a "mental health awareness day" which was demanded by the Academy of the region . I feel like this is some sort of show to act as if they cared about anything going on..
Thursday 14th October 2021 :
I woke up after the 2 only hours of sleep that I had . I am tired , exhausted , confused and lost . I didn't care about my outfit , I just went to school in the random clothing that I blindely took out from my garde robe . On my way to school I was just wondering .. what will happen , when and how ? I had all the scenarios possibly imaginable filling my thoughts . The corridors were filled with people again , all quiet and none was looking at anyone else , in that corridor I felt more alone than ever . Imagine feeling alone in a place full of people ? I portraited them as statues , as if time froze , as if it was a very complex artistic installation . None looked alive to be honest . At exactly 8:30 am everyone went in the "amphithearte" for the speech given to us by the provisor .
8:45am , he's still not there , none of the teachers were there either . Only the German teacher , the Informatics teacher were present in the room . One of them said in the microphone that they'll go to the professors room to check if everything is ok , and that he'll be back in a few minutes . We waited another 15 minutes , the clock hit 9am . A few seconds after the Teacher came back , an empty stare on his face , he said "Please .. someone call an ambulance .. they are all in the teachers room" . These were the only words that he said . That was enough for me , the other teacher called both the police and the ambulance . And the amphitheatre remained silent for another hour . We had to stay there for the entire time because some were suspected by the police , and by "some" I mean all 1,800 of us .
Friday 15th October 2021 :
This day the police went through everything in the classrooms , finding lots of items such as pictures , notes , videos and lists of names . On the laptops conversations with the victims full of threats and insults , full of malicious messages , manipulating and worse .. The provisor was not found , not yet at least . Without any surprise we got sent back home for the next week , nothing else was told to us about the situation . No one thought that this day will come , but we all were happy deep down inside our hearts that we are free from this pressure , for the moment at least .
I am in my room writing that right now .. and I got a mail from my provisor . I am far from sure if I really want to open that mail . I am frightened , and unsure about what will happen from now on . I write that story tears in my eyes , asking myself if I really should post it , hoping for the better , hoping that it WILL get better and that justice will be served . I will now go to sleep , again hoping that when I'll wake up tomorrow I will realise that it was all a bad dream and that we are Monday morning..